Developmental Trauma: 3 Ways to Build Secure Healing Relationships

Trauma is often thought of as extraordinary events like accidents or assaults, but experiences that unfold over time, especially in childhood, can leave deep marks. Persistent fear, helplessness, and unsafe environments during development can shape how a young person connects with others and navigates the world.

This type of impact, often called developmental trauma, reflects both the immediate stress of threatening experiences and the vulnerability of a growing mind and body. Early relationships, which are meant to provide safety and support, can instead feel uncertain or frightening. Without consistent care, these patterns can persist into adulthood.

Healing is possible, and helpers can play a pivotal role in supporting secure, restorative relationships. Vicki Enns, MMFT, RMFT from the Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute, highlights three practical ways to do this:

1. Align words and actions
Reliability builds trust. Be clear about what you are doing and follow through with small gestures, like respecting personal space, a gentle tone, and appropriate eye contact, to signal safety. Make sure support is offered without expectations or conditions, reinforcing that the person is not responsible for your well-being.

2. Practice honesty and clear boundaries
Be straightforward about what you can and cannot provide. Consistently honoring boundaries helps reduce anxiety and builds predictability. When disruptions occur, acknowledge them and repair the connection. Honest acknowledgment of the person’s value fosters trust and shows respect for their experience.

3. Engage fully and see the whole person
Recognize strengths alongside challenges. Encourage moments of joy, playfulness, and creativity, helping to expand the person’s capacity for positive connection. Observe and reflect on the subtle ways they grow and change; this recognition reinforces self-awareness and helps repair relational wounds.

Developmental trauma is complex, but supportive, consistent relationships can create a foundation for healing. Each secure interaction helps untangle trauma from identity, allowing the person to thrive in their relationships and within themselves.

Click here to learn more about Developmental Trauma with the Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute.